Have you ever read a book or a magazine or maybe just heard someone say something that you know from a daily experience. But were just never able to put into words? Well I feel that way constantly. Maybe im just too impatient to really take an interest in the way people and nature work. Or perhaps im just naive.
I am no ones dream girl, I am no ones first thought. I am not who I seem. I am petty and judgmental and horrible. I hate arguing but it just comes naturally. I always have to be right even when I’m wrong. I got that from my father. I have lied, cheated, and stolen. I am no where near perfect. Every thought that runs through my brain is a selfish one. Even the thoughts meant to help people. I help people because I am selfish and it gives me gratitude. I smile when I am depressed because I want to know who knows me enough to see through my smile. But no one has taken the time to know me enough to know those things and why would they? I am yet another human being on this earth using up fresh air and quietly walking amongst the halls. There is nothing special about me. At times I can be totally cruel. I make it sound okay by saying I’m just blunt. Nothing I do would be okay either way. If I say the truth, I’m an asshole. If I lie, I’m a liar. I don’t try to be perfect, yet another lie. I am nothing. I am no one. No one will think about me when I’m gone or smile about memories with me. I am a nomad. I will never allow anyone close enough to truly know me. I tell things about myself that I want you to know. I tell you things that make you pity me. I always leave out the horrible things I have done. I am worthless.
You used to be so innocent, so lovely and inspiring. I used to look up to you. Your every word and every thought was so magical to me. I foolishly but truly believed you were my angel. The one destined to turn my world upside down and don’t get me wrong, you did. But not in the way any person would have hoped. You made me see a whole new life, a whole new world, but in the midst of all my wonder you took advantage. You ripped away that beautiful world just as fast as I had been introduced. You left me with memories that refuse to leave my mind. A wound that deep may heal but there will always be scars that play as painful reminders of the world I once new. And now even though you’ve gone, there hasn’t been a single day since we’ve last spoke that my mind hasn’t crept to your memories. You were the only true happiness I have ever known. The girl that once used to define me has now moved on and I stay stuck, frozen in time with a bitter loneliness.
